You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
