I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
