so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
