I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i think i have two assholes
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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