I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
