I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
