I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
