do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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