My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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