6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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