was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize