What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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