i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
