you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Found the puke drawer
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
