I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
