I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
