so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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