I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
