Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
