so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
