the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
