Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
