i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
