This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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