They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
