I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
