So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
