remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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