hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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