I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
