we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
