omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
