OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Randomize
