So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize