Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
