We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
