dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
