I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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