I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
