I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
