I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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