he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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