she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
