No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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