so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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