Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You made out with two different species that night
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Randomize
