Quick, to the slutcave!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
