we're blogging at a bar
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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