i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
