The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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