What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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