My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
