Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
