mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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