I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You ate ashes out of my bong
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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