how can u be prego again
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
