i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We named our party play list daddy issues
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
