so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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