and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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