I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize