p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
