she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize